A Black Girl Wrote This

And ignoring her? She’ll burn down your life quietly and have you thinking it’s your fault the whole time.

You know me.
Your virtual bestie.
The healing coach you didn’t hire but somehow ended up with—dragging you gently, forcing your inner growth, and making you sip uncomfortable tea like it’s your favorite drink.

So let’s get into it.

Before we dive into the deep stuff, I want you to meet somebody.
Her name? Anxiety.
And let me tell you something about her…

Anxiety is that girl—but not in a good way.
She’s dramatic.
She shows up uninvited.
She talks over everybody.
She runs on worst-case scenarios and audacity.
She’s that one friend who always assumes the party is going to suck, your outfit looks bad, and the world is about to end—and she says it all while breathing into a paper bag.

Remember Anxiety from Inside Out? Yeah. Her.
Now imagine she grew up and got bolder, messier, and a little passive-aggressive.
But here’s the gag:
She thinks she’s protecting you.

🔥 The Tea: Anxiety is your brain’s alarm system. But when she gets too loud, too controlling, or too familiar? She’ll sabotage everything good in your life and call it safety.

And that’s where we start.

Anxiety isn’t just overthinking.

It’s not just “being stressed out.”
It’s not just butterflies before a big moment.

That’s what we were taught, though.

Anxiety got whitewashed, Pinterest-quoted, watered down, and dipped in lavender oil with captions like:

• “Just take deep breaths and think positive!”
• “Everyone gets nervous sometimes!”
• “You’re probably just overreacting…”
• “Have you tried yoga and drinking more water?”
• “You’re always so dramatic.”

No ma’am.
Let’s call it what it really is: dismissive. Downplayed. And damaging.

Because when that’s all you’ve been told, you start thinking you’re the problem.
You don’t realize that the tightness in your chest, the shutdown before a deadline, the constant apologizing, the guilt for resting, the spirals at 2AM…
That’s anxiety too.

🔥 The Tea: They taught you how to ignore the symptoms—but never how to understand them. And now you’re blaming yourself for things your nervous system never got the tools to regulate.

Anxiety is a full-body reaction to danger, even when there’s no danger at all.

It’s your palms sweating when you open your email.
It’s spiraling over a text that says “we need to talk.”
It’s exhaustion that hits before the day even starts, because your brain’s been fighting invisible battles since you woke up.
It’s rewriting a message five times and still feeling like you sound stupid.
It’s saying yes when your entire body is screaming no—just so nobody gets upset.

And the worst part?
It convinces you that you’re the problem.

You start thinking you’re lazy.
Or antisocial.
Or sensitive.
Or difficult.
You don’t even realize what you’re dealing with has a name.

And her name is Anxiety.

🧠 What Anxiety Actually Is

Let’s strip the shame.
Let’s throw out the cutesy quotes.
Let’s get to the root.

Anxiety is a nervous system response.
It’s your brain’s alarm system trying to keep you safe. But when it’s been triggered too often—or never learned how to reset?
It starts going off all the time. Even when there’s no fire.

Sometimes it looks like panic attacks.
But sometimes it looks like:

• Procrastination
• People-pleasing
• Perfectionism
• Control issues
• Complete shutdown

🔥 The Tea: Anxiety is your body’s smoke alarm. The issue isn’t always the fire—it’s how often the alarm is going off for things that won’t even burn you.

How to Know It’s Anxiety (Not “Just Stress”)

Let’s make this real clear: stress is situational.
Anxiety is internalized survival.
And it shows up like this:

• You replay conversations for days, wondering if you said too much—or not enough
• You feel guilty just for resting, like you have to earn it
• You avoid tasks because you’re scared you’ll do them wrong
• You say yes to everything… then panic when your calendar’s full
• You catastrophize—small problems feel like the end of the world
• You feel like if one more thing goes wrong, you’re going to snap

If any of that sounds familiar?
Baby…
You’re not dramatic. You’re not “doing too much.”

You’re anxious.

🔥 The Tea: Anxiety isn’t always loud. Sometimes it whispers that you’re failing just because you’re tired. Sometimes it convinces you that your fear is your personality. It’s not. It’s a response. And you can learn to respond differently.

For us Neurodivergent Folks? It’s a Whole Different Beast.

If you’re AuDHD like me, or identify as neurodivergent in any way, then anxiety doesn’t just show up.

It runs the show if you’re not careful.

• Crippling shutdowns. You’re frozen. You can’t move, can’t think, can’t function.
• Sensory overload. Everything is too much—sounds, lights, textures, smells.
• Executive dysfunction. You know what needs to be done, but your brain won’t let you start.
• False alarms everywhere. Even excitement feels threatening. Good things can trigger anxiety too.
• Hyperfixation on social cues. One awkward moment? Becomes a three-day shame spiral.

🔥 The Tea: If you’re neurodivergent, anxiety isn’t just mental—it’s sensory, emotional, physical, and cognitive. You’re not being dramatic. Your system is responding to a world that constantly overwhelms it.

You are not broken.
You’re just processing the world through a brain that was never taught how to be at ease.

My Anxiety Wasn’t Loud—It Was Silent

My anxiety didn’t look like shaking or crying in a corner.
It wasn’t the kind you could point at and name.
It was quiet. Tucked in. Highly functional. Applauded, even.

It looked like being the strong friend.
The funny one.
The capable one.
The overachiever who always had it together.

I didn’t even realize I was anxious—
I just thought I was tired. Or moody. Or lazy.

But the truth?
I was exhausted from holding it all in.
I had trained myself to survive.
To perform.
To power through every room, every relationship, every “I’m fine.”

But my body? She kept the score.
And one day… I broke.

I didn’t announce it.
I didn’t warn anyone.
I just left.

I ghosted.
I disappeared.
I shut the world out and disappeared into silence, only showing up for the people I absolutely had to see—because pretending had become too heavy to carry.

🔥 The Tea: Sometimes your anxiety is so familiar, so rehearsed, so deeply woven into your identity… that it starts feeling like “just who you are.” But it’s not. It’s who you became to survive. Not who you were meant to stay.

So What Do We Actually Do?

So… How do we move forward? Because lets be honest, breathing techniques and yoga aren’t gonna fix what survival mode created. Not alone anyway.

You need real tools. Real understanding. Real practice.

So here’s a 7-day framework to get you started. We’ll work through it together in next week’s follow-up post, but for now:

🔥 The Tea: You don’t fix anxiety by forcing the calm—you fix it by making your body feel safe again. Calm isn’t a command. It’s a relationship.

What Not to Do:

• Don’t say “I’m just being dramatic.” That’s dismissive.
• Don’t ignore what your body’s screaming at you.
• Don’t compare your anxiety to someone else’s.
• Don’t let people talk you out of your lived experience.
• Don’t wait until you’re in pieces to start patching yourself back together.

And If You’re In It Right Now?

Pause.
Breathe.
Unclench your jaw.
Drop your shoulders.
Drink some water.
Step away for a minute.

You are not behind.
You are not broken.
You are not too much.

You are a human being in a world that often demands too much, and you’re trying your best.

And that matters.

Now…
Take what you need, leave what you don’t.
And if you don’t get anything else from this post, take this:
The love I have for you. For your healing. For your joy.

You are a wonderful human—just as you are.
And even in all your brilliance, softness, strength, and becoming…
You still deserve more.
So give it to yourself.

You are loved.
You are love.
You are your own best thing.
You are everything—and you can do all things.

Now gone on and stop playing in your own potential, fren.
Heal on purpose—before life forces you to.

The Glow Up is yours.

💬 Join the Conversation:

What’s one thing you could do this week to support yourself better?

When did you first notice anxiety showing up in your life?

How has it affected your relationships? Your goals? Your rest?

P.S. If this post hit a little too hard and you know you’ve got some unhealed wounds or patterns that anxiety keeps magnifying, don’t worry. I got you.

My free mini-course Healing On Purpose is coming soon.
No fluff. Just real tools, intentional guidance, and soul-snatching gems to help you glow through it.

✨ Stay tuned. Or better yet? Subscribe now so you don’t miss it.

My feelings are valid. My body is not my enemy. I am safe, even when my anxiety tells me otherwise. I honor myself by listening without shame.

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