A Black Girl Wrote This

5 Things I’m Learning as a Black Woman Unlearning Survival Mode

No one tells you what happens after survival—when the fight is over, but your body still waits for the next battle. When you finally find peace, but rest still feels like something you have to earn. For years, I thought my exhaustion was laziness. That my inability to relax meant I wasn’t working hard enough. That if I wasn’t pushing, proving, enduring, then I was failing. But the truth is, I was never resting—I was only collapsing. And now that I finally feel safe, I’m learning that softness isn’t a weakness; it’s a power I was never taught to trust.

Because softness is more than ease—it’s a choice. A radical one. Choosing to unlearn survival, to let go of the armor I thought was keeping me safe but was really just keeping me distant. Choosing to believe that I don’t have to fight to be worthy. That love doesn’t have to be earned through suffering. That I can exist without proving, without performing, without shrinking.

Here are 5 things I’m unlearning as I move from survival to softness:

1️⃣ Rest is not weakness. I used to feel guilty for resting, like every break meant I was falling behind. But I’m learning that rest is not a reward—it’s a necessity. Rest is how I reclaim myself.

2️⃣ Softness is not submission. I thought being soft meant being passive, that if I let my guard down, I’d be taken advantage of. But softness isn’t about letting people walk over me—it’s about choosing peace when chaos was my normal.

3️⃣ Boundaries are not betrayal. I used to think saying no meant losing people. That setting limits would push them away. But I’ve learned that the right people will respect my boundaries, and the wrong ones were only benefiting from my lack of them.

4️⃣ I deserve help, not just hustle. I was raised to believe asking for help was a sign of weakness. That I had to figure everything out on my own. But hyper-independence is just another survival response, and I don’t have to carry everything alone anymore.

5️⃣ My worth isn’t in what I produce. I spent years tying my value to what I could do for others. If I was useful, I was wanted. But I am more than what I can offer. My existence alone is enough.

Softness didn’t make me weak—it made me powerful. It made me whole. It gave me permission to live, not just survive.

✨ Read the full post here: [Softness After Survival]