We shrink ourselves for love, attention, validation, or peace. But peace that costs your voice? Validation that silences your truth? That’s not love—it’s survival.
If any of these hit… it’s time to check who you’re shrinking for, and why.
1. You downplay your success
Example: You get a promotion but avoid talking about it so others don’t feel left behind.
2. You silence your needs
Example: You’re exhausted, but say “I’m fine” because you don’t want to be a burden.
3. You stay quiet to keep the peace
Example: Someone disrespects you and you let it slide to avoid conflict.
4. You apologize for having boundaries
Example: You say “sorry” for not answering a call when you needed to rest.
5. You accept the bare minimum
Example: They text “wyd” once a week and you convince yourself that’s effort.
6. You explain your feelings over and over
Example: You keep rewording your pain hoping they’ll finally care.
7. You perform emotional labor
Example: You help them process everything—but they never ask about you.
8. You stay longer than you should
Example: You keep saying “just one more chance” while your heart breaks.
9. You shrink your light
Example: You pretend you’re not excited about your goals so you don’t “outshine” them.
10. You ignore red flags
Example: You justify toxic behavior because “they’ve been through a lot.”
11. You accept crumbs
Example: A last-minute text excites you because it’s the only attention you’ve received.
12. You love their potential
Example: You hold on to who they could be, not who they’re actually showing you they are.
13. You minimize your pain
Example: You say “it’s not that deep” when it is, just so you don’t seem “dramatic.”
14. You over-give
Example: You’re there for every crisis and celebration—but they ghost you during yours.
15. You call it loyalty, but it feels like betrayal
Example: You stay out of guilt, not love—and it’s draining your soul.
💭 Ask yourself: Who am I shrinking for? And what would happen if I chose me instead?
Because the glow-up doesn’t come from being chosen.
It comes from choosing yourself first. 🤎
Want more on this?
Read my post: Stop Shrinking to Be Chosen – The Glow Up Report on Substack
🌱 Affirmation:
A Black Girl Wrote This
I am not here to be tolerated. I am here to be honored. I release anything that requires me to shrink.
📝 From the Substack: Stop Shrinking to Be Chosen
“You’re not hard to love. You’re just stuck proving yourself to people who benefit from your silence.”
The glow-up doesn’t come from being picked. It comes from saying: I pick me. I choose me. I save me.
A Black Girl Wrote This 
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