A Black Girl Wrote This

What Vivica A. Fox was really teaching us about emotional intelligence, boundaries & not letting folks play in your face.

Y’all know me.
I’m here to help you master the art of the glow-up—the real one.
The one that doesn’t start with new clothes or a new boo, but with how you move, how you think, and how you stop letting people play in your face.

And today’s lesson? Bookie, we’re going back.
We’re cracking open one of the most iconic, messy, deliciously toxic, and secretly wise blueprints ever dropped on us: Two Can Play That Game.

Because while y’all were busy quoting Vivica A. Fox and laughing at her shade, you missed the fact that she was handing us the keys to the kingdom:
Emotional intelligence. Boundaries. Self-respect. Strategy over impulse.

So before you run off reacting to the next person who hurts your feelings, let me hold your hand real quick and remind you—
You’ve had the playbook this whole time. You just weren’t paying attention.

“Two Can Play That Game” wasn’t just a movie—it was a blueprint.

Before we had the words for emotional intelligence, self-respect, and boundary-setting, Shanté Smith was breaking the fourth wall and giving us a full-on masterclass on how to move when somebody had us all the way fucked up.

But let’s be real—some of y’all are still out here reacting off impulse and ego, and it shows.

Shanté tried to tell us back in ‘01: The real flex is not letting people play in your face.

Let’s break it down.

Phase 1: She Was HER. Period.

Shanté had the blueprint long before social media was out here screaming “soft life” and “set boundaries.”

She taught us how to move with strategy, not impulse.
How to choose yourself without needing to announce it.

1. Emotional Intelligence = Power
– The Club Scene

When her girls ran up with breaking news about Keith?
She kept it chill.
She didn’t cause a scene.
She didn’t confront him in public.
She processed privately and moved accordingly.

Shanté kept her composure because:
✅ Her friends were already loud enough for the whole group.
✅ Causing a scene wouldn’t change the facts.
✅ You gotta keep folks out your business because forgiveness is personal, but your friends will never forget.

💡 Lesson: When you get new information, don’t react immediately.
Observe first.
Process second.
Move accordingly.

2. Silence is a Response
– The Walk-By That Shook Keith’s Soul

The way she walked past Keith at the club like he didn’t exist?
Art. A masterclass. Iconic.

• He saw her before she saw him.

• He started sweating immediately.

• And she? She didn’t even blink in his direction.

💡 Lesson? Sometimes the loudest response is no response at all. Silence is a strategy.

3. People Treat You How You Allow Them To
– The Break-Up

Shanté didn’t fold when Keith tried to spin the block without accountability.
She set the tone.
She made it clear: If you play in my face, you will regret it.

• Keith thought she’d take him back easily.

• He thought he could act up without consequences.

• She showed him different.

💡 Lesson? If someone is playing in your face, ask yourself: “Did I hand them the deck of cards?” Set the tone for how people treat you. Your boundaries are your responsibility. & People will treat you how you allow them to.

4. Calculated Responses Over Emotional Outbursts
– Intert Gabrielle Union

Keith thought Conny Spalding was a flex.
Spoiler alert: She was actually a lesson.

• He expected Shanté to be jealous—she wasn’t. (in public)

• He expected her to chase him—she didn’t.

• He thought he could win this game—but he didn’t realize he was the pawn.

She kept playing chess while he played checkers.
She let him fumble her—publicly.

💡 Lesson? The best revenge isn’t revenge at all—it’s letting someone realize they lost access to you, and you didn’t flinch.

5. Confidence is Key
– The Glow-Up

Even when she was hurting, she moved like she was the prize.

She never begged.
She never chased.
She stayed on her square—and that’s why he came crawling back.

💡 Lesson? Confidence will take you places begging never will. Move accordingly.

Phase 2: But Even She Had Her Moments…

Listen. As much as she was HER, even Shanté had moments of doubt.
ShE had strategy—but she was still human.

1. The Breakdown in Bed

She kept it cute for her friends, but when she was alone?
She broke down.
Because being strong doesn’t mean you don’t feel it.

💡 Lesson: Confidence doesn’t mean you don’t hurt—it means you don’t let the hurt make your decisions.

2. When She Saw Keith & Gabrielle Together… And It Stung

Shanté thought she was ready—until she actually saw them together.

That moment hit her in the chest.
But she gathered herself and walked away.

💡 Lesson: You can’t always control how you feel, but you can control how you move.

3. When She Almost Gave Up the Game

At one point, she started second-guessing herself.

• “Did I take it too far?”

• “What if I just call him?”

• “What if I really lost him?”

She almost folded—but then she remembered: he was the one who fumbled first.

💡 Lesson? Self-doubt always creeps in right before you win. Stay the course.

4. The Final Moment of Humility

At the end of the day? Shanté had to be honest with herself.

• She loved Keith.

• She wanted him back—but on her terms.

• She wasn’t too proud to admit that.

💡 Lesson? Emotional intelligence isn’t about being cold—it’s about having control over your emotions, not letting them control you.

The Moment Nobody Talks About: When Conny Spalding Checked Her

Let’s talk about the scene that shook Shanté (and should’ve shook us) more than Keith ever did:
When Conny Spalding told her the quiet part out loud.

When Shanté tried to run up on her like she had something to prove, Conny wasn’t pressed.
She basically said:
“Don’t get mad at me because you can’t control your man.”

Whew. A word.

Because at the end of the day, that was the game Shanté was really playing—not just trying to teach Keith a lesson, but trying to control the outcome.
Trying to manipulate, strategize, and move all the chess pieces to avoid the real risk of love:
You can’t control people.
You can’t outsmart betrayal.
You can’t protect yourself from heartbreak with ego and strategy.

And the gag is… Shanté knew she was right.
She even admitted it.

💡 Lesson: Some of y’all aren’t looking for love—you’re looking for control because control feels safer than vulnerability. But love without risk isn’t love. It’s performance.

Phase 3: The Takeaway
The Flex of All Flexes

At the end of the movie, Keith came back.
Because he always will.

But Shanté? She didn’t make it easy.

She moved from a place of power, boundaries, and knowing her worth.
And that? That was the real win.

Peace is the real win.

🎯 So… Should You Play the Game?

Here’s the thing:
Shanté wasn’t teaching us to manipulate.
She was teaching us to pause, process, and stop letting people play with our peace.

I’m not saying you need to be out here playing chess with your relationships.
But I am saying—you will save yourself a lot of heartbreak if you stop reacting off emotion and start moving with intention.

Because the truth is:
People will play in your face if you let them.
But when you know your value?
You don’t have to play the game.
You become the prize.

Shanté tried to tell us back in ‘01—did we listen? 🤔

💬 Drop a comment: Did Vivica teach you something back in 2001 that you’re just now realizing hit different in your adult life? Let’s talk about it.

One Last Thing…

Yeah, it’s old school. Yeah, it’s early 2000s messy.
And truth be told, a lot of us were too young to realize how many gems were being dropped between the petty games and the plot twists.
We were too busy quoting the shade and missing the strategy.

So if it’s been a minute?
Go back and watch it.
But this time, watch it with grown eyes.
Watch it like the self-aware, boundary-having, emotionally intelligent adult you’re becoming.
You just might catch a lesson or two you didn’t even know you needed.