A Black Girl Wrote This

There are two types of people in this world: _{(for this conversation anyway, keep up)}

• Those who say whatever comes to mind and clean up the mess later.
• Those who overthink every response like it’s a Supreme Court ruling.

If you’re like me, you probably exist somewhere in the chaotic middle—constantly drafting responses in your head, running mental simulations, and by the time you’re ready to speak, the conversation has probably already moved on.

Impulse control? Got it. (when it comes to speaking anyway)
Overthinking? Also got it. Award winning levels.

But what about those moments where your mouth moves faster than your mind? When emotions take the wheel and suddenly, words spill out that you immediately wish you could take back? This is where the art of thinking before you speak becomes your superpower.

Why Thinking Before Speaking is Essential

Words have weight. And the difference between effective communication and relationship-ruining miscommunication often comes down to a few extra seconds of thought. Here’s why pausing before you speak matters:

1. Prevents Instant Regret – Because backpedaling after saying something wild is a workout nobody enjoys.
2. Keeps You from Feeding the Drama – Some things don’t need a response. Some people don’t deserve one.
3. Saves You from Oversharing – Not every thought needs a microphone. Learning to filter can protect your privacy and your peace.
4. Makes You Appear More Confident – Thoughtful silence > anxious rambling. People who take their time before responding seem more self-assured.
5. Allows You to Edit in Real-Time – Raw, unfiltered thoughts don’t always match your actual intention. Thinking before speaking helps you frame things in a way that truly reflects what you mean.

There’s Science Behind Why Your Mouth Moves Faster Than Your Brain

This isn’t just about willpower. The prefrontal cortex, the part of our brain responsible for impulse control and decision-making, is what helps us pause and think before acting. However, when emotions run high (stress, anger, excitement), the amygdala—our brain’s emotional center—takes over, often bypassing rational thought in favor of immediate reaction. This is why people are more likely to blurt things out in emotional moments.

Research in cognitive psychology suggests that taking as little as three seconds before responding can shift a conversation’s trajectory. In high-stakes situations, a well-placed pause allows the prefrontal cortex to regain control, leading to clearer, more intentional communication.

That One Time I Didn’t Pause (and Regretted It)

A while back, I was in a heated discussion with a close friend. She said something that rubbed me the wrong way, and before my brain could catch up, my mouth fired off a response laced with sarcasm.

Immediately, I saw her expression shift—hurt flashed across her face. The conversation derailed, not because of the original issue, but because my words had struck a nerve. In that moment, I realized that had I taken just three seconds, I could have responded in a way that addressed the issue without damaging the relationship.

Since then, I’ve learned the power of the pause.

Mastering the Art of Holding Your Tongue (Without Looking Awkward)

If impulse control isn’t your strong suit, here are some ways to slow down without looking lost:

1. Take a Breath

Before responding, take a deep breath. It gives your brain a moment to catch up before your mouth speaks first.

2. Ask Yourself: Does This Need to Be Said?

Use the T.H.I.N.K. Method before speaking:

• T – Is it true?
• H – Is it helpful?
• I – Is it inspiring (or at least constructive)?
• N – Is it necessary?
• K – Is it kind?

If it fails more than one of these, consider keeping it to yourself.

3. Use Delayed Responses

Instead of responding instantly, try phrases like:

• “That’s a good question. Let me think about that.”
• “I need a second to process before I respond.”
• Or simply pause and let the silence work for you.

Silence is a tool, not an awkward void. When used intentionally, it creates space for meaningful dialogue rather than reactive chatter.

4. Mentally Edit Before Speaking

Imagine if your words were a text message. Would you send it as-is, or would you tweak it first? Think of your brain as your personal Notes app—run the draft before hitting send.

5. Know When Silence Wins

Not everything needs a response. Not every person deserves an explanation. Sometimes, the best reply is a well-timed blank stare.

When Is It Okay to Speak Without Thinking?

There are moments where quick, unfiltered speech can be powerful:

• Creative Brainstorming – Letting ideas flow without restriction can lead to innovation.
• Moments of Pure Emotion – Telling someone you love them, expressing excitement, or laughing uncontrollably doesn’t require a pre-drafted script.
• Emergencies – Overthinking isn’t helpful in a crisis; quick action is.

The key is knowing when to apply thoughtful pauses and when to let words flow naturally.

When the Pop Off Feels Necessary (Because Sometimes It Is)

Let’s not pretend like every situation calls for silence and patience. Sometimes, people try you. Sometimes, disrespect is clear as day, and you feel like the pop-off is the only appropriate response.

But here’s the thing: It’s not just about whether you respond—it’s about how you respond. Because yes, there’s a time and a place for speaking up, but you don’t have to go straight for the jugular just because someone else did.

So what do you do?

1. Pause, but Don’t Swallow It – You don’t have to react instantly, but that doesn’t mean you let it slide. Take a second to process, but make sure you still speak up.
2. Assertive, Not Aggressive – You can set a boundary without burning the whole place down. “I don’t appreciate that,” hits harder when it’s delivered calmly than when it’s shouted.
3. Say What Needs to Be Said, No More, No Less – The goal isn’t to destroy them; it’s to make sure they never try you like that again.
4. Decide If They Deserve Your Energy – Not every battle is worth fighting. Some people thrive on drama, and the best response is simply walking away.
5. Go Medium, Not Low – When they go low, maybe… go medium. We’re still working on going high, Michelle. 😂

Final Thought: Pause, Then Proceed

Thinking before speaking isn’t about self-censorship—it’s about self-mastery. It’s knowing when to hold back, when to clarify, and when to let silence do the talking.

So next time you feel the urge to let a reckless thought fly, just remember: Pause. Breathe. Edit. Then deliver that masterpiece. (or READ) 😉

And if the conversation moves on before you’re ready? Just hold that fire comeback for later. 😭 It’ll come in handy another time Bookie.